Things could get a lot better - that is the mantra for today, again, let’s ask the question - how much better can it get? It can get a lot better. I will continue to get a lot better and I’ll continue to be me. And I’ll continued to be loved by a lot of people and I will continue to also love people. I am so thankful for my network and support I have.
I’m working on the reflection for focusgroup… it’s been much more involved than I first assumed - of course, I could have just stuck with the first draft but then it just gets better the more you comb through it and open up doors you didn’t even know were in the mansion. So, at some point I will make myself stop just because I feel like I shouldn’t be stuck on this. I’d like to move on. But I guess myself wants to move on properly, and it’s not my definition of proper yet.
Again, there’s something concerning to me, about that.. I don’t know why exactly, but I question it. This need to fight myself, question, and criticize at times when I am about to make the jump. Instead of flying free like a bird I feel I’m tethered to a rope cast by internalized projections. I can see in my mind a woman throwing up - I’d dream that this woman threw up all of the internalized projections - and she is left with the child at the end. It is her, and she is a woman, who can be -
I feel like it’s easier to be in love, like even the voices in my head from the past are starting to be less on guard, the little soldiers that pop up in my head occasionally are met with a loving and caring person that speaks to them gently, they put down their weapons - then it feels like sinking deeper into comfortable warm place.
