what? are you poor?

TODAYS ENTRY IS A VENT -

IT IS LUMPY

what? are you poor? ..

This is a joke that someone i love said to me one day and I burst out laughing, so now I say it too much (probably killing the magic… and I don’t mean to automatically put myself down… It seems I default to deprecation because I’ve been conditioned to say this to myself when I assume I’m being too much… but this person i love doesn’t think I’m too much, or at least they don’t love me any less for it.. which I’m grateful for, I feel like it’s easier to catch myself when I fall down backward on the steep slopes of my brain.. and I realize I can try to wrap myself around a tree and stop myself from violently imploding on my heart again). And it’s all in good fun, it’s even funnier to say it to someone who you know is very wealthy and owns a lot of property (and they really love u … but in fact, nobody likes u, actually we hate you, especially gods and great red dragons)

But someone behind me in the library was discussing why so many people give blood around this time of the year (xmas time/ Christians). And the more they talk the more I realize they have never had to search for change on their car floor for gas to get to work, hopefully enough to last until they can get gas money from friends they’ve helped around town. Or sell their clothes to the local resale shops to buy food. Or give blood to help pay rent or payback money you’ve borrowed from friends. I’m guessing besides giving back to the community there are some people who want to buy their kids or loved one something because there is a pressure in our society to spend. spend. spend. or die. regardless die.

And then it reminds me, just the reality of that capitalisty creatures drown in care and love - violently drown in the waters - if there is any wiff of care of love involved in a project the capitalisty creatures shivers and shrieks like a banshee in pain and warning to not dare attempt to feed the love and care in the world. Money making systems are evil incarnate -

the noise of money is all fake and its making us go crazy, like we’re trapped inside solitary confinement forced to listen to disco - “torture by music” (this was also a topic shared by that same person that I love, it’s wild) - the fake does not supplement the real… even if the fake supplement looks, feels, and smells, like something real, it does not feed anything, you will eat a thousands bagels and never feel full , you’ll own a river or a waterfall and always be thirsty, you’ll bathe in them and never be clean, capitalisty creatures will never be clean, they are poison - like the plants who share all their wisdom and love before they depart from one state to another, or when regularly communicating with their neighbours - and now we’re trying and have been trying to warn each other of this danger of capitalism, the violent results of it’s existence - to abolish capitalism - how can skyscrapers be built off of the idea of a number -

we are brilliant. and we can use our magic in the wrong way, and we are little babies, everyone, even the CEOs of world leading financial institutions are little babies, all humans are little babies, naïve. We could live better we all could feel better, feel more connected, feel more involved, if we wake up and remember the reason we’re here, which is to love*, and remember how we are connected to make more meaningful encounters with people, how naïve to think we need skyscrapers, how naïve to think we need any hierarchy. instead those who are in positions to help, choose to melt into a vat of acid, they are no longer human, they are in need of love and they need to be pulled away from the wreck… instead we surround the wreck with pedestals and rocks of the earth, we decorate their institutions of dirt with gold. The real result of which is a murder of innocence and self-torturing

love* - I wish I had a proper definition for it.

It is hard to be apolitical - it is hard to be detached and unemotional - it is difficult to be the level head in a state where those who are addicted and hoard the most money … ( billionaires are killing _________) if you think of it logically, to me it seems like simple math (or will they say I’m not qualified to say these kind of things with any authority). some might think they are not responsible because they are so detached, because they are so far away from the street in their penthouses, where they sit in towers discussing how to leech money from everyone who does the actual work, from people who actually care and love. They sit so high up they wouldn’t be able to even hear the gunshots down below let alone the screams of __________ - sometimes I think these people are _________ who actually don’t care about anyone, but not everyone can be ___________… some I think have been and are being violated themselves, conditioned by the capitalisty creatures who threaten their lives and the ones they love, but what is the threat, really? How can a concept ______ so many people???…And I know they were just little kids trying to survive as well, they don’t realize what they do, Lord, please forgive them. I’m not religious anymore but sometimes I do dream that someone could

SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOWW MEE HOWW U DO THAT TRICK?

And none of this has to be the case it doesn’t have to be the case. It is scary thought to give up on money. To live a life where I deny it’s existence. What would that look like? Today if I were to do that, I see myself as a monk, somewhere on a homestead with sisters farming together and living/ healing. I could create and be an artist, who is in communion with the earth and all beings in the universe, who has ever existed, known, and to be remembered.

THE ONE THAT MAKES ME SCRREEAAAAM