today is a day

recount everything you’ve known before

look inside

embrace yourself

take an oath to do no harm

fail with grace

and I am sitting here today. I fail with grace. I look inside… recounting everything I’ve known before. I embrace each moment, each failure. I am loved by myself, so I must be loved, I must be loved, truly… it becomes like a tacky surface for others to easily cling onto when they send that vibration to me and I am grateful we can see and speak to each other, like always.

Sometimes I try to imagine life beyond this one… why I want to remember what it was like before being a physical entity I am not so certain of, but I’m curious none the less, and I remember times when I looked into puddles and thought about it. I have absolutely no idea why puddles specifically but they look like portals to me, and if we are made of water, it makes sense right, to have an instinctual thought like that?

Yesterday, in this physical body, I was putting several plastic trash bags in the bins at my workplace. I had a moment when I touched the plastic bags I thought of all the oil it took to make this, and I imagined I was playing with thick poisonous oil while I opened and lined the plastic trash bins. I thought of the inconceivable amount of people who did the same thing I did that day. Changing a plastic bag, how complicit we are to destroy ourselves, how our habitual nature has devastating consequences.

I watched Love On the Spectrum yesterday with my flatmate, and there was one person who appeared so authentically joyful and I wished every human in the world had autism… sometimes I feel that we may all have autism but we show in so many different ways, that the “typical” people may just mask as a survival mechanism, and those who cannot mask are systematically categorized.

I want an autistic president*, one who is for our greatest good, one who can see from all perspectives, one who is logical… I think I would trust an autistic person to be president more than I would any politician who believes in this current status quo, who is elicit in genocide, who is dehumanising…

*I actually want wise elders, autistic wise elders would be even better.