poking needle over scar tissue

this is a gentle warning (to myself[to others])

this post is a poking a needle over scar tissue

…..

austerity - posterity

i meant to say posterity and but austerity fell out of my mouth

and i didn’t realize until a while later that i felt unsure about the sentence

i was just repeating in my head and it seemed off

so i looked it up

ya austerity is not the word

posterity is the word

and of course…

why would i want to remember the word austerity

(sometimes i ask genuine questions)

deeply painful memories pop up

shutting down

i cried last night hearing an airplane fly over the house

and i thought about the wars

the airplanes flying over people right now

i felt like it could be over without my say

an airplane could do that to me, seems to unbelievable

until the power goes out in your home and all you can hear is a large ship above your head

i couldn’t stop crying after that

austerity

======

and after i feel these things i can be okay. i am okay, even when i go through those big emotions, those memories, those moments where i do feel it so much, it passes me as well and i don’t feel that all the time, some days I see the entire reasoning of the world and then other days I feel like i am just curled in and picking at the scab that bugs me often. which i don’t think about often, but today i have curled into this position and i’m going to leave it as that and move on. tomorrow this isn’t what i want to be concerned about.