how can it get any better

how can it get any better

still heading to my best

I remember dark days where I could only dream of a day like this, and now I’m here and I’m thinking of how much better it can get and I’m thinking this will be the cycle for the rest of my life, even when the days are grim and heavy.

I wrote a blog on Tuesday and I decided to delete it today from here. It was honest, it was accurate, it was maybe an overreaction.. caring too much about a person’s language, and I feel I missed the entire point in doing so.. the point lost in the proving my accurate assumption of a person I didn’t know based on what I found as very dismissive and politically militant language. Even though my feelings are valid and the points I had were logical, no matter how correct I was, I missed the point… What good is calling out the mess, the mess is still there, what has been done about the mess, besides scream at the mess, the mess doesn’t move… I needed a mop and clean water

The point here I’m trying to make is that I’m trying to clean up my own mess now, by getting rid of that slop, as accurate as it is, what good is it really? I know that was good for me to write it, and I still have it tucked away if a time comes where some good would come of it… but for now I don’t think that’s the case. Writing is precious and powerful and what I wrote is still that as much as I find it not responsible to keep up, unattended to and unmoving, like planting a seed the wrong time of year… but who am I to know what could happen… am at the same time both responsible and negligible, maybe I’m too young to truly know. What good in creating energy when I don’t know where to send people next, why build an engine without a car or destination? That’s what I need to figure out…

the world I want us to be in….

Like one day I’ll have my own small publishing company

I’ll paint and make prints, write little books and sell them or trade them or gift them in my little big communities

But until that day I’m still heading to my best

and even after that day I’ll still be asking how much better it can get

that’s how it is